A little background info for those of you who haven't yet read the House of Night series by P.C. & Kristin Cast: The series revolves around a young teenager called Zoey who, upon being Marked with the outline of a crescent moon tattoo on her forehead, has to move to a boarding school called the House of Night where she will transition through four years of being a fledgling and eventually become a full vampyre (or die! no I'm not kidding about that one). The twelve books follow her story as she discovers her new powers and faces evil forces while she protects her new friends.
In the House of Night, the vampyres operate under a matriarchal system and worship the goddess of the night, Nyx. Now, while Nyx is actually officially the Greek goddess of the night and has actually been worshiped by real life people, the whole religious and spiritual system which is instituted in the book series is fully fiction and a blending between many different religions.
Now you might say: but how in the world could a super pagan book series which incorporates vampires strengthen your Christian faith?! I hear ya.
I've been a Christian my whole life, and while I did go through a long period in my life where I doubted my faith and wrestled with the idea of God and what Jesus stood for, I've fully come to embrace it and see is the Truth. I've also come to reject some of the things I've learned as a child, such as all the hypocritical things religious institutions have forced onto people. However, fortunately, these things all result from a wrong interpretation and mis-translation of some of the Bible verses and not actually because that's what the Bible says or that's what God says. An example of this would be the rejection of gay marriage. After months of studying the scriptures and reading up on some ancient Greek (nope, I'm not kidding!) I'm fully affirming and now see all LGBT+ relationships as blessed by God, as long as they rest in love and mutual respect and commitment (the same goes for any relationships of any orientation!). However, I still strongly believe all of the "foundational" things which all believers adhere to: humans are sinful and not righteous, we cannot save ourselves, Jesus came down to Earth, died on the Cross for us and was resurrected for our sins and we can only be saved by this sacrifice by faith. There are a bunch of other things I could add onto that but we'll get to that another day.
Needless to say, I also grew up only ever hearing about God as "Father". It was always "He", "Him", "His", "Father" and "Lord", etc. I'd never really second guessed the pronoun we use for the Almighty until I opened up Marked (the first book in the book series). Now mind you, I was only fourteen when I first read the series and I most definitely didn't have as many *deep* thoughts about God and faith as I do now. However, I am fully convinced that when I began the series, that was the moment God led me down the path to discovering His feminine side (or should I say Her feminine side?). After a few years had passed and I had read the series a third time, I felt a deep stirring and longing within my heart whenever I read the chapters of the books where Nyx herself approaches her children and speaks to them directly. Now, because I was still deep in that mindset of God being strictly "He", the very thought of reading the House of Night books and feeling that longing within my heart felt a almost forbidden to me. At that point in my life I didn't really question any of the fundamental beliefs which a lot of conservative Christians have and I always felt guilty whenever I secretly denied them in my heart.
About a year and a half ago, God fully opened up the floodgates and revealed to me the truth about. I had reached a point in my of faith where my spirit was literally screaming for a female God(dess), the Lady of the Universe, one whom I could call She and call my own Mother. A lot of people might not be able to relate to that and are perfectly happy with always and only calling God He and seeing God as male. That's totally fine! However, I personally think that there is something so spiritually profound and intimate in communing with the Almighty Divine One in a way where you can actually see yourself as being made in Their Image. The thing is, the feminine Divine is so totally lacking in our modern day churches, and while a lot of people don't realize this (because they don't yearn for that, which is fine), it is still something that a lot of people (like myself) are missing in their souls. Instead, they turn to false gods, going even as far as declaring a mortal human near divine (such as making the mother of Jesus, Mary, into a semi-goddess). The truth is that while women know in their brains that they are made in the Image of God and that they have the qualities of God within them, it's hard to feel that in our hearts when the only God we ever hear of is male, warlike, and so very far removed from anything female or feminine that it almost seems like men really are more in God's image than women. That's not to say that everyone has to see God this way or has to want to worship God as a Mother! However, the truth is that many people who are yearning to worship God in this way get pushed away and are called unbiblical. They are denied access to God in this way and are denied to worship God in the way in which He created them.Either way, this strong longing and yearning eventually led me to actually dig into the Bible with the help of some online websites and a most amazing book (which I'd highly recommend to everyone who is interested in this topic) calling "Is it okay to call God Mother?" by Paul R. Smith.
What I found both shocked and comforted me. The truth is that God is actually revealed to be "female" in the Bible! More than once, in fact! In fact, there are dozens of passages in the Bible which explicitly refer to God as a feminine being. What is also incredibly fascinating to know is that when God revealed Himself to Abraham, He named Himself "El Shaddai" which quite literally translates to "the many-breasted one". God revealed Himself (or should I say, Herself) as a feminine being to Abraham! What's even more interesting is that the word which the Jews used to refer to the Holy Spirit "ruach" is actually a feminine noun in Hebrew and so one could even argue that it is more "biblical" to call the Holy Spirit a She rather than a He. Now, I don't take this to mean that God is more female than male, or that the Holy Spirit is a completely female entity, not at all! But it does give me enough evidence that God is as much "female" as "male" and by only ever calling God He (or vehemently denying that God is ever a She) is taking away from such a rich and deep way that God has revealed Himself. In fact, humans are made in God's image, male AND female. So whatever makes up a "female", be that a "feminine energy" or quality or something else, it is ALL contained within God!
So that's my story and journey of how God revealed Himself also as a "Herself" to me. It took a while for me to get comfortable and actually allow myself to believe this truth. But then I finally came to the realization that all condemnation comes from the devil and not from God Herself. Each and every facet of the Almighty One which we discover is simply another piece in the mystery that is the One God and I'm sure there are many more to discover! But either way, I will not go back to simply God as Father. She is Mother to all of us too and I am now finally free to accept this.
Below I've composed a list of Bible passages which speak of God as female. I pray they give you as much comfort as they did for me.
“Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing.” (Matthew 23:37 & Luke 13:34)
“For a long time I [God] have kept silent, I have been quiet and held myself back. But now, like a woman in childbirth, I cry out, I gasp and pant.” (Isaiah 42:14)
“As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted over Jerusalem.” (Isaiah 66:13)
“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I [God] will not forget you!” (Isaiah 49:15)
"So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he crated them; male and female he created them." (Genesis 1:27)
"You deserted the Rock, who fathered you; you forgot the God who gave you birth." (Deuteronomy 32:18)
"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!" (Isaiah 49:15)
"But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content" (Psalm 131:2)
"As the eyes a servant looks to the hand of their master, as the eyes of a maid to the hand of her mistress so our eyes look to the Lord our God till he shows us his mercy." (Psalm 123:2)
"Or suppose a woman has ten silver coins and loses one. Doesn't she light a lamp, sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it? And when she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.' In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents." (Luke 15:8-10)
"Like a bear robbed of her cubs, I will attack them and tear them asunder." (Hosea 13:8)
"Or who shut in the sea with doors when it burst out from the womb, when I made clouds its garment and thick darkness its swaddling band...[...]...Has the rain a father or who has begotten the drops of dew? From whose womb did the ice come forth, and who has given birth to the hoarfrost of heaven?" (Job 38:8-9, 28-29)
"Is not Ephraim my dear son, the child in whom I delight? Though I often speak against him, I still remember him. Therefore my womb trembles for him; I will surely have motherly-compassion upon him, says the Lord" (Jeremiah 31:20)
"Hearken unto Me, house of Jacob, all the remnant of the house of Israel, who have bene sustained from the womb, carried along since birth." (Isaiah 46:3, KJV)
"Jesus answered, 'Truly, truly I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit." (John 3:5-6)
"When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she not longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world. So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you." (John 16:21-22)
"Like newborn infants, long for the pure, spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow into salvation - if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good." (1 Peter 2:2-3)
"By the God of your father who will help you, by the Almighty who will bless you with blessings of heaven above, blessings of the deep that crouches beneath, blessings of the breasts and of the womb." (Genesis 49:25)
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